You Can Choose Your Friends but You Can’t Choose Your Family

(photo by Valiant Made on Unsplash)

In following social media chat groups for writers, the topic of toxic family members is ever present.  Everyone seems to have at least one person in their family who causes them a lot of grief. It seems to most frequently be a parent or a sibling. I think it’s such a common thread because venting to strangers on social media is a safe way to blow off steam without hurting those close to us.

I am constantly surprised to hear shocking tales of parental abuse, neglect, or blatant favoritism of one adult child over another. It takes a lot to cut yourself off from a parent completely, but many have opted out of family ties in these dire circumstances. The damage is often compounded by wills and estates that treat grown siblings unequally, leaving a trail of bitterness and resentment.

A recent case of this arose in my family when my husband’s wealthy stepfather left nothing to care for his own schizophrenic son. This greedy negligence was so shocking to us and has left the siblings in a financial bind. Worse still were all the promises he made before he died of leaving a healthy fund for his son’s continuing care. These turned out to be nothing but lies.

Others try very hard to maintain relationships with exasperating family members. They continue to make sacrifices and tiptoe around the issues that drive them mad in order to keep some kind of peace, often to maintain their own children’s relationships with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. They attend family gatherings around the holidays and return home with a fresh batch of complaints after each visit.

I always loved spending time with my husband’s family more than my own because the dynamic was so opposite to what I grew up with. There was always such lighthearted revelry, drinking, smoking pot, and playing table games, and laughter at his place. My parents were older, European, and in my eyes, boring.

We seek to escape from our own families in a myriad of ways. What are your coping strategies for dealing with tricky family members? Please subscribe/share a comment below.