How Anxiety Holds You Back
(photo by Cason Asher on Unsplash)
I have two types of anxiety that affect my life daily: anticipatory and performance. I overthink everything to the point where I’m having negative bodily symptoms which impact my life, such as headaches, IBS, even feeling faint at times. Working as a teacher was always hard, but my colleagues used to say I was so calm and in control. They had no idea what was bubbling under the surface. As a child, I was always an overachiever in school and would stress about every test to the point of tears. I used to be a pretty good musician, but I was unable to share my music with others for fear of failure or criticism. My personal hell is the fear of traveling and missing connections and having my itinerary fall apart. I have a difficult time waiting in airports and need to calm myself playing a mindless computer game to zone out.
Anxiety hit me when I was forty years old, when I needed to take some time off work and address my mental health. I nearly became agoraphobic at this time. I did a lot of reading and soul-searching and discovered a past trauma which had impacted my life. I used cognitive behavioral methods and gradual re-exposure therapy to my trigger to overcome this trauma. This is when I started taking medication, which I have been using for the past two decades. I changed my medication once when menopause hit me hard. It just takes the edge off and allows me to live in the moment without always perseverating on what’s coming up.
I do not have social anxiety. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy meeting new people in group settings. I feel relaxed and confident in my ability to make new connections and I love hearing other people’s stories. I will participate in discussions, and I like to make people laugh or even get up and dance or do improv without inhibition. Somehow, these distinct types of anxiety affect only certain people.
I think most people experience anxiety to some degree. It is our body’s healthy early warning system. But when it becomes debilitating, I would encourage you to seek medical advice. There are many mild medications available that have good track records and years of proven clinical testing now. We are no longer living in the 1960’s when Valium was the only available solution.
What makes you feel anxious? Please leave a comment below.
